Funny mindset quotes

Funny mindset quotes DEFAULT
funny positive thinking quotes for her plus size girl

In previous posts, we share positive attitude quotes and now we added humor factor in positive quotes because when you feel boring, funny quotes give you smile and on the same time give you positive vibes and set your mind on positive thinking. Attitude is directly affect your behavior and if your behavior is not friendly and positive, people start discourage and dislike you. If you have positive attitude and take difficult things as fun, other will inspire from your behavior and make friendship with you. Even your enemies will leave you when they see you are not affected by their actions. Let’s read inspirational funny positive attitude quotes that we created with images.

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It is easy to learn and understand in fun than in a serious tone. Therefore, we add fun and humor to teach you a lesson about life. Quotes and sayings are considered perfect to change the mindset. Change your view and notice your life, only with positive energy you can live healthily and stress less life.

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Hilarious Motivational Quotes

Not all thoughts could be hilarious at all but we selected a few hilarious motivational quotes that help you to take advantage of them and prepare your mind in an easy mood. Hope it helps you to gain more and more things out of it. These sayings are completely insane. Let’s read them below:

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New Funny Positive Attitude Quotes

Someone said, think positive and see all positive will happen. Another saying, positive attitude may not give you success but it is enough to annoy others. These quotes surely inspire you and you will share these sayings with your friends on Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Nancy Ericson

Author of the blog inspired by Romeo and Juliet (love tragedy written by William Shakespeare). She shares quotes, poems, and wishes that matter. You can use these quotations to read yourself or to dedicate them to your partners.

Sours: https://cutelovequotesforher.org/20-funny-positive-attitude-quotes-to-get-motivations/
Bring a smile to your face with these funny quotes - you will find laughter, humor, and a bit of wisdom in these. Our collection includes funny inspirational and motivational quotations said by some famous people and others. We all need humor in life it helps the challenges that we all sometimes face!

You may find some of them to be motivational because they challenge you thinking in a humorous way but also in a motivating way. Share these with other people to brighten their day and give them a smile!

    Short Funny Quotes

    You can't shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! Eric ThomasPin it!Share on Facebook

  1. You can't shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! Eric Thomas
    Inspirational Quotes for Students



  2. The only time I feel light-hearted is when I'm in a plane at 33,000 feet. Robert Rivers
    Happy



  3. "A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks." Charles Gordy
    Short Quotes



  4. It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. Rose MacAulay Pin it!Share on Facebook

  5. It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. Rose MacAulay
    Cute Quotes



  6. Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. Frank Moore Colby
    Anger



  7. There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny. Jon Macks, How to Be Funny
    Happiness - Is There A Common Definition



  8. The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much.Pin it!Share on Facebook

  9. The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much. Author Unknown
    Truth




  10. I don't have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon's bills are so high. Rory R. Cuphist
    Health




  11. Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time. Margaret Bonnano
    Time



  12. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou
  13. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou
    Attitude



  14. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
    Laughter



  15. A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.  Irish Saying Pin it!Share on Facebook

  16. "A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." Irish Quote
    Positive Energy



  17. Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. Charles M. Schulz
    Live Life



  18. Photography without seeing would be like eating without tasting. David McKay, Photography Demystified
    Photography



  19. If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. Confucius
    Smart



  20. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis DillerPin it!Share on Facebook
  21. "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." Phyllis Diller
    Quotes That Make You Smile



  22. Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
    Sad Quotes about Life



  23. A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results. BC Forbes
    Determination



  24. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I'm possible!  Audrey Hepburn Pin it!Share on Facebook
  25. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Audrey Hepburn
    Possibilities



  26. Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. Will Rogers
    One Line Quotes on Life



  27. I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. Gandhi Pin it!Share on Facebook
  28. I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. Gandhi
    Mindset



  29. You cannot be anything if you want to be everything. Solomon Schechter
    Focus



  30. You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore
    Action



  31. Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty. Thomas SowellPin it!Share on Facebook
  32. Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty. Thomas Sowell
    Actions Speak Louder Than Words Quotes



  33. I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. George Burns (at 100 years)
    Respect



  34. It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen. Brigitte Bardot
    Happy Birthday Wishes



  35. The truth can be funny but it's not funny to cover up the truth. Ryan Cooper, Difficult PeoplePin it!Share on Facebook
  36. The truth can be funny but it's not funny to cover up the truth. Ryan Cooper, Difficult People
    Honesty



  37. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope
    Money



  38. "A laugh is a smile that bursts." Mary H. Waldrip
    Short Positive Quotes



  39. They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea.  Francis BaconPin it!Share on Facebook
  40. They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea. Francis Bacon
    Thinking



  41. "The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine." Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Take Action



  42. The moon was full and so close that it seemed we could scoop out some moon ice cream and fill ourselves up on moonbeams. Elif Ekin, Mostly Happy
    Moon Quotes



  43. The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them." Abraham Lincoln
    God



  44. Cause your facial expression to change - smile. Catherine Pulsifer

  45. Cause your facial expression to change - smile. Catherine Pulsifer
    Change



  46. We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw
    Growth



  47. Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. Bernard Sahlins
    Meaningful



  48. Today's opportunities erase yesterday's failures. Gene Brown Pin it!Share on Facebook
  49. Today's opportunities erase yesterday's failures. Gene Brown
    Failure



  50. Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Bill Vaughan
    Happiness



  51. A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright. Lucille Ball
    Simple Life Quotes



  52. One fails forward toward success." Charles Kettering
    Motivational Quotes for Students



  53. If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself. Irish ProverbPin it!Share on Facebook

  54. If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself. Irish Proverbs
    Proverbs




  55. Middle age is when you can still do everything you used to do - but you decide you'll do it tomorrow. Dr. Tom Haggai
    Birthday



  56. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen
    Quote of The Day



  57. "Some people die at twenty-five and aren't buried until they are seventy-five." Benjamin Franklin
    Life and Death



  58. Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. C.E.M. JoadPin it!Share on Facebook
  59. Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. C.E.M. Joad
    Happy Birthday Quotes For Friend



  60. Funny Inspirational Quotes

  61. The shortest recorded period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain. Jane Bryant Quinn
    Self Motivation



  62. If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won't come up with a hand full of mud either. Leo BurnettPin it!Share on Facebook

  63. If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won't come up with a hand full of mud either. Leo Burnett
    Inspirational Quotes




  64. Keep your sense of humor. As General Joe Stillwell said, 'The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind'. Donald Rumsfeld
    Words of Encouragement for Men



  65. For a politician to complain about the press is like a ship's captain complaining about the sea. Enoch Powell
    Great Quotes about Life



  66. If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how  amazing you can be. Maya Angelou Pin it!Share on Facebook

  67. If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be. Maya Angelou
    Amazing



  68. See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly. George Harris
    Be Yourself



  69. I don't think God put you on this earth just to make millions of dollars and ignore everything else. Chris Amundsen Helping Others



  70. You can't experience simple joys when you're living life with your hair on fire. Emily Ley
    Joy



  71. The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts. Fulton J. Sheen Pin it!Share on Facebook

  72. "The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts." Fulton J. Sheen
    Daily Inspiration




  73. If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap. Glen Buck
    Funny Quotes about Life



  74. From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce. Thomas Edison
    Genius



  75. Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip. Richard Steele Pin it!Share on Facebook
  76. Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip. Richard Steele
    Gossip



  77. Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water! Eleanor Roosevelt
    Overcoming



  78. My father taught me a good lesson: Don't get to low when things go wrong. And don't get too high when things are good. Robert Perish
    Life Lessons



  79. New Year's resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy  doing and then resolve to stop doing it.  Charlie BrookerPin it!Share on Facebook

  80. New Year's resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it. Charlie Brooker
    New Year



  81. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito." Bette Reese
    Funny Graduation Quotes



  82. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James
    Common Sense



  83. Make Me Feel Important! Pin it!Share on Facebook
  84. Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from his neck saying, Make Me Feel Important! Never forget this when working with people. Mary Kay Ash
    Work



  85. Yoga is the fountain of youth. You're only as young as your spine is flexible. Bob Harper
    Yoga



  86. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns
    Wise



  87. You need to be comfortable with you. Stop worrying about the couple in the corner who may or may not be looking at you funny. Willow Cross, Getting Over It
    Comfort Zone



  88. Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit.  Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed. William James Pin it!Share on Facebook
  89. Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed. William James
    Habit



  90. How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten? Logan Pearsall Smith
    Age



Sours: https://www.wow4u.com/smiles/
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  2. Skyward fbisd
  3. Antonyms for thermostat
  4. Bill barker wikipedia

Photo: YourTango

lisa lieberman-wang funny motivational quote

The easiest way to feel good is to find something that puts a smile on your face or is funny and makes you laugh. Imagine how great you will feel when you make it a daily practice to find what is funny in any situation.

Here you will find some of the most inspirational, humorous, thought-provoking, and funny motivational quotes that will brighten your day.

RELATED: 150 Best Funny Quotes & Sayings About Life To Help You Stay Positive

For all of you with a sense of humor enjoy these quotes about life and share to make someone else's day, too!

1. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." — Elbert Hubbard

Elbert Hubbard funny motivational quote

2. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

3. "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

4. “When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

5. "You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice." — Sam Levenson

Sam Levenson funny motivational quote

6. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer

7. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

8.  “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

9. "It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

10. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

11.  “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

12. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

13. "I have to be successful because I like expensive things." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

14. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

15. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh

16. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

17. "Be happy, it drives people crazy."— Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

18. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

19. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite

20. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

21. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

22.  “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

23. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott

24. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”

25. "Kill them with success and bury them with a smile." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

RELATED: 125 Best Funny Quotes To Share With Hilarious Friends

26. “Always remember that you are unique — just like everybody else.”

27. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

28. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire

29. "Aspire to inspire before we expire." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

30. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

31. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” — Louis Agassiz

32. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”  — Oscar Wilde

33. "Some people are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

34. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson

35. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

36. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov

37. "When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say 'Why me?', say 'Try me'." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

38. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson

39. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.

40. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

41. "Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

42. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa

43. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes

44. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach

>45. "The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time." —Joe Girard

Joe Girard funny motivational quote

46. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney

47. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

48. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

49. "Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

RELATED: 199 Sarcastic Quotes & Funny Memes To Live By Every Single Day

50. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

51. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

52.  “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam.” — George Carlin

53. "Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way." — Charles Bukowski

Charles Bukowski funny motivational quote

54. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” — Bryan White

55. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — George Carlin

56. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star

57. "Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat." — Harry Emerson Fosdick

Harry Emerson Fosdick funny motivational quote

58. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

59. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand

60. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright

61. "Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

62. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

63. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” — Irish Proverbs

64. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris

65. "When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

66. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

67. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James

68. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein

69. "We made mistakes because life doesn’t come with instructions." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

70. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett

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71. “Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.”

72. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

73. "Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

RELATED: 31 Funny Love Quotes From Comedians That Describe Your Crazy Relationship

74. “In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.” — Harold Geneen

75. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers

76. “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” — Dick Van Dyke

77. "Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine." Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

78. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anais Nin

79. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns

80. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown

81. "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself."— Ethel Barrymore

Ethel Barrymore funny motivational quote

82. “Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”

83. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler

84. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres

85. "If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

86. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain

87. “Good things come to those who initiate.” — Susan RoAne

88. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

89. "Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up." — Ann Bradford

Ann Bradford funny motivational quote

90. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

91. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” — Will Rogers

92. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

93. "Be that kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh crap she’s up'." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

94. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” — Phyllis Diller

95. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra 

96. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain

97. "You can’t always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out." — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Lisa Lieberman-Wang funny motivational quote

98. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”

99. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

100. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

RELATED: 31 Funny Quotes To Lighten The Mood When You're Feeling Down And Depressed

Lisa Lieberman-Wang is a relationship expert, author of Fine to Fab, and creator of the neuroscience Neuro Associative Programming (NAP).

This article was originally published at FINEtoFAB. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Sours: https://www.yourtango.com/experts/lisa-liebermanwang/25-funny-inspirational-quotes
Identify: Growth or Fixed Mindset?
70 Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people. Here are the best sarcastic quotes to read from famous people that will make you think and inspire you at the same time. Receiving a sarcastic comment from others sometimes packs a punch, but don't take it negatively, instead use that to your advantage for improving yourself. May these sarcastic inspirational quotes help you to handle criticism in a gentle way, cultivate a positive mindset that will make you smile along the way. Share these sarcastic quotes about life with your friends, family, and loved ones to inspire them as well.


Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

1. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. - John Wayne



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

2. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. - A. A. Milne



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

3. I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. - Woody Allen



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

4. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

5. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

6. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

7. It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

8. The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

9. What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’? - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

10. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. - Billy Wilder



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

11. Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. - Walter Kerr



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

12. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

13. There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

14. You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

15. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

16. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. - George Bernard Shaw



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

17. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

18. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

19. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. - Rodney Dangerfield



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

20. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

21. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

22. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. - Billy Sunday



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

24. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

25. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

26. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

27. Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

28. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

29. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

30. If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

31. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

32. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ - Sydney J. Harris



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

33. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

34. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. - Mitch Hedberg



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

35. I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

36. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

37. When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

38. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

39. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

40. They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

41. Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

42. I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. - Mitch Hedberg



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

43. An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

44. Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - W. C. Fields



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

45. Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us. - Stephen Colbert



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

46. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

47. It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

48. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

49. There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? -​ Kin Hubbard



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

50. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. - Bill Murray



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

51. Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katharine Hepburn



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

52. People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

53. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

54. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. - Bill Murray



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

55. Tell me, is being stupid a profession, or are you just gifted? - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

56. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

57. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

58. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

59. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s because she changes it more often. - Oliver Herford



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

60. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? - Jerry Seinfeld



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

61. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

62. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

63. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

64. Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? - John Barrymore



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

65. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

66. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

67. If you must make a noise, make it quietly. - Oliver Hardy



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

68. A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

69. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen



Funny sarcastic inspirational quotes about life and people

70. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. - Steven Wright

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